"Do you ever have those moments in life where you feel...empty? As if there's nothing. Just an endless spiral of pain and regret. Like no matter what you do, it always goes wrong. You always mess everything up. For me...that's my life in general. A repetitive loop reminding me of all my mistakes, errors I've made. It hurts so much. The pain is unbearable...excruciating. It never ends. It reverberates off of every ounce of hatred...of disgust I have for myself and everything that surrounds me. 

 

No one gets me. No one understands what I've gone through...going through. They don't know what is running around in my head, plaguing my mind. Blurring my inhibitions. Haunting me with nightmares. I'm sick of it, all of it. I just want it to stop. The memories...I hate them. 

 

It was my fault. It was all my fault. I kept calling him. I just wanted him to pick up the phone. It's my fault he crashed. I didn't mean to. I wanted him to come home. But he left...twice in one night. Now he's gone forever, like everyone else. He never loved me. He didn't care. No one cares. 

 

I'm all alone. I'm just so alone. I don't want to be alone anymore. Sooner or later everyone is going to leave me. Everyone I know gets hurt, or they hurt me. No matter what, someone is going to end up suffering; existing with pain. Like me. I just want to be loved. I deserve to be loved. Why won't anyone love me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever I have done to push you away, to make myself the outcast of this world. Leave me to fend for myself. To protect and care for my own being. But how? How am I supposed to, when I don't care what happens to me.

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Some people say that with death comes peace. Tranquillity. Others say that when you die, it's just...darkness. A pitch-black abyss that you can't flee from. You stew in your thoughts for the rest of eternity. Looking back at the horrible events of your life. I hope it's the first option. I've tried everything. Councillors...booze...pills. Nothing works. There's only one way this can end. One peaceful way to go out. I just want to sleep. I want a nice, long rest. To make all of the pain go away. To finally be at peace. To finally be...tranquil."